


Somewhere in Between

by Infernos



Series: Worlds Apart [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:46:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infernos/pseuds/Infernos
Summary: Stiles, now a powerful druid, owns a supernatural bar in L.A. Scott is now the Alpha of Los Angeles and has left Beacon Hills under the watchful eye of Cora and Peter Hale. One weekend a month, Scott takes some time off from his busy life and bartends so he can hang out with his lifelong friend. Derek and Stiles started dating his senior year of high school. A year later,  when he was about to leave for college, Derek ended it. He said he wanted Stiles to experience more of a normal life without the supernatural world in his way. Broken-hearted, Stiles decided not to go to college and threw himself into his training as a druid. A few years later, Derek married Braedon and moved to New York. Now, a decade later their marriage is a disaster that neither one of them wants to deal with. A marriage counselor suggests that they take a “make or break” trip back to California where it all started. They will either reconnect or call it quits. She mentions a little bar that has a great karaoke night…
Relationships: Braeden/Derek Hale, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Worlds Apart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935559
Comments: 23
Kudos: 90





	1. Verum Canticum

11 AM. Scott is waiting at the door when Stiles arrives to get things started. Scott can always let himself in, but he prefers to wait for Stiles. Even though he’s the Alpha of Los Angeles, he enjoys those rare times when he’s not the one in charge.

“Hey, Scott,” Stiles says as he fishes the keys out of his pocket and unlocks the back door.

“Did you get my text?”

“I was helping a selkie out last night and turned my phone off. I didn’t see it until just before I left home. What’s up?” Stiles asks as he closes the door behind them.

“Derek called the pack office yesterday. It was a courtesy call to let me know that he’s coming to town, and Braeden is coming with him.” Scott says, waiting to see Stiles' reaction.

“That explains the nagging feeling I’ve had the last few days,” Stiles says as he disables the alarm and starts turning on the lights.

“Well,” Scott says with a pause, “They are coming here. Tonight.”

“It’s fine Scott.” Stiles cuts him off before he can continue. “Don’t dance around my feelings when it comes to him. I’ve moved on.”

“Ok, but let me finish.” 

Stiles sits at one of the bar stools and motions for Scott to continue. 

“He wanted me to know why he’s coming. He and Braeden are having issues and this is a last-ditch effort to save the relationship. They have a marriage counselor who suggested they take a trip back to where their relationship began and come here for karaoke. He doesn’t know the truth behind the karaoke that happens here. I told him I would meet him here, but he doesn’t know that you own the place.”

“Okay, and what am I supposed to do with that knowledge, Scott?”

“Don’t use it against him.”

“You know me better than that!” Stiles snaps at him as he stands up. “You know as well as I do that Derek and I are or were mates. In every wolf sense of the word. If his marriage is suffering, then he has no one to blame but himself. I’ll provide him the same opportunity to see his own truth that everyone who comes here gets. What he does with his truth it is up to him.”

“Alright,” Scott says, holding up his hands in surrender as a smile crosses his lips. “I’m just saying. I know you would jump on his back and ride him off into the sunset if the opportunity came along.”

“Shut up you,” Stiles says as he starts laughing. “There is a case of Lydia’s special whiskey in the trunk of my car. Go get it and then get to work. When the other miscreants get here, tell them I want this place spotless by 5 pm. I’ve got to get an order in so it can be delivered by 3. Pick a theme for tonight and let me know. We open at sunset.”

“You got it. Boss Man.” Scott replies with a voice heavily laced with sarcasm.

“I heard that.” Is the reply he gets as Stiles goes up the stairs to the second floor where the private lounge and his office is. 

Scott gets busy and the next few hours as a flurry of activity. The kitchen staff, wait staff, and other bartenders come in. Scott directs them to take care of the cleaning Stiles wanted to be done. Right at 3 pm, the order from the distributor arrives and they get the coolers loaded for the night. 

Sunset is around 7 pm that time of year, so at 5 Stiles gets everyone together so they can share a meal and get ready for the night. Scott decided the theme should be a Celtic forest. A few of the servers groan because they don’t particularly like Scott’s favorite theme. In spite of their initial grumbling, they always have a great time with it.

While Stiles prepares to cast the glamour on the bar and the employees, Scott announces that an Alpha werewolf will be there tonight and should be given the full courtesy afforded to someone of that position. The drink orders have to come to Scott and will be mixed by no one else. They will be complimentary as well as their meal if they choose to eat anything. When the party arrives, they are to be directed to the VIP area.

Stiles walks to the wide-open space in the middle of the bar. It often serves as a dance floor, performance space, or like tonight, a place where people will bare their soul and face their own truth in the form of song. In the middle of the floor, visible to only him and Scott are runes inlaid into the fabric of the space. He has a moment of irony when he remembers that the space in the center of the runes forms a triskele.

He centers himself over it and reaches out into the ethereal with his own power. It doesn’t take more than a few minutes to place the glamour that alters the space into a dark forest. Moonlight filters through the ceiling between trees that don’t exist. The mist moves along the floors and small glowing orbs appear and disappear between the trees. Glowing candles appear on the tables that now look like tree trunks. The employees are costumed to look like all manner of sidhe but their own personalities help determine the final look.

When he’s satisfied, he powers the spell that forces karaoke participants to sing what is truly in their hearts. It strips away their self-deception and denial so they can see their own truth.

Looking up to the ceiling, Stiles pushes his own power into the runes on the floor and says, “Truth is the silence between words, the song between the notes, and the space between crowded thoughts. It is the whisper before the kiss, the happiness before the tears, the first and last breath, and the freedom found in emptiness.” A faint shimmer and breeze blows out from him and then disappears into the walls of the building. 

“Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let’s have a great night,” Scott says as Stiles walks back over to the bar. Stiles takes a seat and Scott drops a glass of iced tea in front of him. 

“That’s a new one for you.” He says. 

“Yeah, well you know things from the past can turn the present into a shit show, so I thought I would give it a kick in the ass to get started,” Stiles says as he grabs the glass. He never drinks alcohol anymore. Once he came into his full power as a druid he quickly discovered that a bit too much and his control went to hell. After a few literal dumpster fires outside of his apartment, he decided that was enough. He wasn’t going to take the chance on burning a building down because he was drunk and something pissed him off.

Kira shows up just before sunset and takes her place at the front door. She’s the hostess with the mostest on the weekends. Anyone who comes in with the intention of misbehaving is swiftly escorted out with the point of her sword prodding their backside.

The first few regular patrons come in not long after the doors open and take their favorite seats. Within an hour a sizable crowd has arrived and people start planning what they want to sing. Some of the patrons just want to sing and enjoy the fun of it. For those, Stiles lets them choose whatever they want and have a good time belting out the songs. There are usually a few who are brave enough to face their truth. The process is simple. They face a statue that symbolizes truth in some form according to the theme for the night. For this evening it is the Green Man. He represents renewal and rebirth. For those who are searching, or wanting to take a new path, renewal and rebirth cannot happen without truth. They speak the words carved on the base of the statue, and it chooses the song. They are compelled to sing and the lyrics reveal their truth. For some people, the clarity it brings is joyful, but for some the experience is painful. For a few others, it merely clarifies what they already know to be true and lets them move forward.

At 10 pm, Kira greets Derek and Braeden at the door. 

“Alpha Hale. Welcome to V.C.” 

“Kira,” Derek says with a nod. 

Braeden looks her up and down and then says. “V.C.?” 

“Verum Canticum,” Kira replies. 

“What does that mean?”

“Truth Song” Derek replies and before Kira can answer he walks away leaving Braeden behind. 

Braeden shrugs and follows after him. As they disappear into the mist, Kira taps her earpiece and says, “Alpha Hale has arrived.”

“Understood.” She hears as Scott replies in her ear.

Scott is waiting as Derek and Braeden approach the bar. “Alpha Hale. Welcome.” He says as he extends his hand. Derek grabs it and pulls him into a bear hug.

“No need for formalities. We covered all of that when I called. You didn’t have to meet us here.” He asks. 

“Being the Alpha of Los Angeles keeps me very busy. I’m in charge of everything and it gets exhausting. I work here one weekend a month so I can have a little downtime from it.” 

“That’s great. You remember Braeden.” He says as he motions towards the women approaching them. 

“Of course,” Scott says extending his hand to her. “I hope you’re doing well.” 

“It’s all relative, I guess.” She replies vaguely. 

Scott directs them to the VIP area and goes behind the bar. “So what can I get you old friend?”

“Something strong. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”

Scott turns to Braeden with a questioning look. “I’ll have what he’s having, in a human-friendly version.” 

“Got it.” He says as he turns and starts mixing up something special for them. Derek gets a whiskey sour with a bit of Lydia’s special brew added to it. Braeden gets a watered-down version that won’t knock her on her ass.

“It’s all on the house tonight. I’ll be over there. Just let me know if you need anything. I’ll hear you.” Scott says as he motions to the other bar where the majority of the patrons are. “It’s karaoke night. I know you’ve got a good voice, Derek. Why don’t you grace us with a song?”

“We could sing a duet. It’s been ages since we had that type of fun.” Braeden adds. 

“Maybe. I need a few more drinks first.”

Scott quickly lines up two more for each of them. As he goes to walk away, Derek puts his hand out to block his way. He turns and sniffs the air. 

“Stiles is here. Did you tell him I was coming?” Derek asks, his eyes turning red as he bares his teeth at Scott. 

Scott’s eyes turn red to match Derek’s, then he moves in close to Derek until he’s right in his face. “He owns the place and when I work here, he’s my boss. Of course I told him, now back down before we have to cause a scene.” 

Derek closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again his fangs have receded and his eyes have returned to normal. He moves his arm and looks up at Scott. “My apologies. I forget that there are loyalties other than pack and I’ve been without one for far too long.” 

“I understand, Derek. I really do.” Scott says, his eyes still glowing red as he stares down Derek. “If it’s any consolation, I reminded him that tonight isn’t about him, or your past together.”

“Thank you.” He whispers as Scott walks away.

He and Braeden sit for a while. Neither of them looks at the other or say anything. He sees Scott looking at him from the other bar and then he turns to Braeden and says. “Fuck it. Let’s sing.” Then he quickly downs both glasses and stands up. 

Braeden takes a few quick sips of hers and then stands up and straightens her shirt out. Derek is already walking away so she follows behind him and joins him in front of the Green Man statue. Stiles steps out of the mist next to it. 

“Welcome. Alpha Hale and Braeden.” He says. “Are you here for our special version of karaoke?”

“What’s special about it?” Braeden asks, giving him a look of scorn. 

“Verum Canticum. Should you wish to sing a song of truth, the spell will choose one for you that reflects your innermost truth. It will even enhance your voice for you.”

“I have nothing to hide.” She says. 

Derek doesn’t say anything, for a while until Braeden touches his arm. “This is why we are here isn’t it? To face the truth.” 

“If I was good with self-honesty, we wouldn’t be here.” He finally says.

“Well, I have no comment on that subject. Are you ready?” Stiles asks. 

“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty to say,” Braeden says. 

“As Alpha McCall reminded me earlier today, this isn’t about me, or the past. Sing, or go back to the bar and enjoy the rest of your night together.” 

Braeden goes to say something else but Derek turns on her with a growl, “Leave it be. If he has nothing to say on the subject, then neither do you.” 

“Fine.” She says. “Let’s do this.” 

“Then face the Green Man, and speak the incantation,” Stiles says as he hands them each a microphone and walks away into the mist.

Together, Derek and Braeden turn to the statue of the Green Man. At the base are the words that they speak together. 

“Veritatem tantum et pacem canticum”

The lights dim and a slow beat starts. Braeden's eyes go wide as the spell takes a hold of her and then she starts to sing. 

Hard to look at pictures on the wall.  
Hard to pick the phone up when you call.  
Hardly talking anymore.  
Because a single word could start a war.  
But once upon a time, we had it all.

She continues with a chorus while Derek looks at her silently. Just before his verse starts you can see him experience the same thing. He grits his teeth to fight it, but the spell compels him to sing. 

Back to back we sleep on separate sides.  
Back and forth we slowly lose our minds.  
Backing out the driveway feels.  
Like this goodbye could be for real.  
Once upon a time, time was on our side.

Together they share the next chorus and then alternate individual phrases. The end nears and they sing the last few lines together. 

Who would have known  
The future wasn’t for us  
Fools, we got it wrong  
Thinking that we lead on love  
But look at us now  
Two broken hearts on the ground.

As the beat fades out they stand there looking at each other. The spell breaks and they step apart. Stiles steps out of the mist and takes the mics from them and turns away. 

A few patrons clap to be polite, but it is clear that they have witnessed two people acknowledging the end of their relationship. 

Braeden turns to Derek and you can plainly see the emotion on her face. She reaches up and puts her hand on the side of his face. He is equally struggling with his emotions. 

“Look at us now.” She whispers. 

Derek takes her hand and kisses it then says, “I’ll call the lawyer on Monday.”

Braeden nods then walks away towards where they were sitting. Derek follows a few steps behind, but she doesn’t stay. Purse in hand, she waves at Scott then walks past Kira and out the door. 

Scott comes over just as Derek sits himself down at the bar again. Without saying a thing he pours Derek another drink and places it in front of him. Within seconds the glass is empty so he fills it up again. 

“Are you okay?” Scott asks. 

Derek looks up at him with his eyes glowing red, yet rimmed with wetness. “No.” Is all he can say. 

“Can I do anything?”

“Pour me drinks until I pass out.”

“Follow me upstairs,” Scott says as he motions Derek to come with him. 

They go up a side staircase to the empty upstairs lounge. Scott puts Derek at a table and comes back a few minutes later with a bottle, a glass, and a bucket of ice. 

“More of Lydia’s special brew. It will numb the pain, but you will probably pray for death when the sun comes up tomorrow.” He says. “I’ll be back with some food.”

Derek has 4 glasses in the time it takes Scott to come back with a plate of fried snacks. He sets it down on the table, then claps Derek on the shoulder. “Call for me if you need anything else. I’ll hear you.” 

He eats some of the food but leaves the rest when it cools off. As the wolfsbane infused alcohol starts to affect him, he leans back into the chair and listens to the patrons below. The din of their conversations helps him tune out the pain he’s feeling.

Somewhere between songs, Derek passes out. Something jars him from his stupor and he cracks his eye open to see Stiles sitting in the chair across from him. 

“I see you sitting there in silent judgment. This must give you pleasure to see me suffering.” He mumbles.

“I take no joy in your misery, Derek,” Stiles says. “I would take all the pain away if I could, but my gift gives me no power over matters of the heart. I sit here watching you because I intimately understand what you feel.”

“Well, now I know what you felt like. Go away and let me suffer in peace.”

“As you wish,” Stiles says as Derek fades into unconsciousness again. 

Scott checks on him a few times during the night and sees that he has consumed more and more of the bottle. When it is less than half full, he replaces it with water of the same color. There is no point in letting Derek drink himself to death. The next morning will be painful enough. 

At some point, Derek rises close to consciousness again and hears snatches of Stiles singing. 

He tries to rise so he can watch Stiles, but his legs don’t seem to want to work and he falls back into the chair. Having had far more alcohol than he’s used to the pain in his heart swells up and pulls him back down into the darkness.


	2. A Year From This Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So where do we go from here?” Derek asks.
> 
> “We?” Stiles asks tilting his head to the side. “Your life appears to be a fucking train wreck, and you ask about us? Are you high, Clarice?”

When he returns to consciousness he’s laying on a large sofa with a light blanket thrown over him. His shoes are gone, but he still has his clothes on so he knows he didn’t do something stupid while he was blacked out. The light streaming in the window hurts his eyes when he opens them, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in his head.

He groans and sits up. When he cracks his eyes again, he sees Stiles sitting in the chair across from him. There is a large cup of coffee waiting for him on the low table in front of him. 

“The bathroom is through that door,” Stiles says pointing off to the left. 

“If you shoot me I won’t have to worry about walking that far.”

“And I’ll be left with another one of your messes to clean up.”

“I deserved that,” Derek says as he stands up and slowly makes his way to the bathroom. 

“There are fresh towels on the sink if you want to shower. Just throw your clothes out and I’ll put them in the wash.” Stiles calls out after him. 

Fifteen minutes later, Derek comes out of the bathroom, damp from the shower, dressed in sweatpants and a shirt that had been left on the counter next to the towels. He has his clothes bundled up in his hands. Stiles takes them from him and walks away. 

“I refreshed your coffee. There is toast and werewolf strength hangover cure next to it.” 

Derek takes a seat and downs the pills between sips of coffee. He nibbles on the toast but his stomach isn’t bothering him and he’s not really hungry. When Stiles returns he’s sitting hunched over holding the warm cup between his hands. 

Stiles takes a seat in the chair across from him and crosses one leg over the other. 

“Again, I feel like you’re sitting there in silent judgment of me,” Derek says looking up from his cup. 

“Was there something you were expecting me to say?” He asks. 

“I’ve never known you to hold your tongue when you had something on your mind.” 

“I grew up, Derek, I’ve learned the value in silence. However, I’m here to listen if there is something you want to say.”

“Where are we?” He asks. 

“My place. Scott helped get you to my car after we closed and then into the house. He lives nearby.” 

“Why can’t I smell you? If this is your home it should be saturated with your scent. I don’t smell anything.” 

“I’m a druid. My home and the surrounding area is free of my scent. It’s part of my security.”

“When did you become a druid?” 

“One of two things can happen when a Spark is broken. Either their power burns out and disappears forever, or it magnifies and explodes. You broke me, Derek, and I exploded. Lydia loved me through the pain. Deaton taught be stability and trained me to harness my power. Together they saved my life.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you deserved better.” Derek whispers. 

“It fucked me up for months. It didn’t feel like it at the time, but in retrospect, it was the best thing you could have done for me. If I had gone to school I would have become an FBI agent as I had planned. It would have satisfied my love of research and solving problems, but ultimately it wouldn’t have been enough. I have a deeper need to help people. Now I use my power to help the supernatural community. It has given me a measure of satisfaction that being an FBI agent couldn’t hold a candle too. It pays better too.”

“I’m so sorry. I hope you can believe that.”

“I’ve had time to grow and heal, Derek. I let go of that pain years ago, and I don’t hold it against you. It sucked in the moment, but look at what’s come out of it. I have a career that I love. My life is good.”

Derek is quiet for a while as if he’s lost in thought. “Do you live here alone? I don’t smell anyone else.” 

“Just me.”

“You said Lydia helped you. I thought maybe you had stayed together.” 

“No. She helped me, and for that, I am eternally grateful, but we weren’t meant to stay together.”

“Why not?” 

“You know why! Don’t you dare play stupid with me.” Stiles snaps, the air thickening around him before it dissipates with a pop. “Lydia will always have a special place in my heart, but we both knew it wasn’t meant to be.”

“So where do we go from here?”

“We?” Stiles asks tilting his head to the side. “Your life appears to be a fucking train wreck, and you ask about us? Are you high, Clarice?”

“No.” He says with a sigh as he leans back against the sofa. “I’m lost in my head and everything is a disaster. I’m an alpha with no pack. I destroyed my relationship with you. My marriage is a complete failure. I guess I’m fucked.”

“My father worked long and hard to make me see that I am responsible for the choices I make, and the consequences of those choices. You have to own your choices, Derek. Un-fuck your life. 

“Help me. Please.” Derek chokes out as tears start to roll down his face.

Stiles gets up and walks over to Derek where he kneels in front of him and takes his hands in his own. “I can give you encouragement and platitudes until I’m blue in the face, but I cannot fix your life. You need to stand in front of a mirror and take a long hard look at yourself. Strip away all the layers of self-deception and really look at the man you are underneath. When you see your true self again, you’ll see the man I fell in love with all those years ago. Find him again. Love him again. Be. Him. Again.”

“Then what? Will you still be here?”

“Foolish man. Our paths took different directions, but I’ve always been by your side, even when you left me in pain.” He says as he stands up. “Now, I’ve indulged your self-pity long enough. I have things to do, and you have a long journey ahead of you.”

“Ouch. I see that tongue is still as sharp as a razor.” Derek says as he stands up. He squares his shoulders as if he’s ready to face a new challenge. 

“Don’t expect that to change anytime soon.” He says with a grin.

“Um, where is my car?”

“I presume it was the black rented Camaro that was left in the parking lot last night?”

“You know me. I’m a sucker for fast things with muscles.” Derek says with a grin. 

“See. There’s that smile. I let the security guard know that the car would be there overnight and not to have it towed. I need to go in and do some paperwork, so let me throw your clothes in the dryer and make us something to eat and then we can go. Does that work for you?”

“I am at your mercy.” Derek says. 

Stiles says “Yes you are.”, and then gets up to take care of the laundry. Derek stands up and looks around the house. The colors are mostly shades of white with gold accents. There are pops of color around and the entire space is airy and bright. There is a large arch between the living room and the kitchen. On the wall next to it there is a big mirror. Derek stops in front of it and stares at himself. Stiles comes through from another room and stops to watch him.

After a few minutes, Derek turns to see him standing there. “Didn’t you used to call me creeper wolf?” He asks. 

“You were a creeper. So what were you looking at?”

“I’m trying to see myself, but I don’t know how to describe what I see.”

“You were always brave in the face of danger, but words were never your strength.”

“Yet your words rarely missed their mark.”

“Being broken is a freeing experience, Derek. I survived it. You can too if you want to.” 

“Only you could manage come off as both compassionate and indifferent at the same time.”

“It’s because I’m honest with what I feel, Derek. I know your pain, thus my compassion, and I know your pain, thus my indifference.” He says with a shrug as he walks past him into the kitchen. “I’m sure your stomach is feeling a little rough, so I’ll make you something light.” 

Derek stands there for a few more minutes while Stiles gets starts rattling pots and pans in the kitchen. Eventually, he gives up his attempt at self-discovery and goes into the kitchen where he takes a seat at the island. He sits in silence as he watches Stiles take a piece of beef and turn it into paper-thin slices that he drops into a simmering pot of liquid. While that cooks he dices some vegetables and shoves some noodles into the pot. In just about 15 minutes Stiles slides a steaming bowl of beef pho in front of him and drops a large spoon next to it.

“Enjoy,” Stiles says with a wink. “I’ll be back in a few. I need to shower and change before we go.”

Derek slowly works on his soup while he’s lost in his own thoughts. It’s only when Stiles drops his clothes on the counter next to him that he realizes he’s back. 

“Thanks. The soup was amazing. I feel so much better. Where can I put this?” He asks motioning to the bowl. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it while you get changed. Your shoes are next to the sofa.” He says as he reaches over and takes the bowl. Derek picks up his clothes and leaves the room.

Stiles sends a quick text to Scott to let him know he will be on his way to the club shortly. When he hears Derek come out of the bathroom he picks up his keys and twirls them in his hands. 

“Are you ready?”

“I’m almost expecting some warning about a journey starting with a single step.” Derek says uncertainly.

“Nope. If telling you to un-fuck your life isn’t enough to motivate you, then nothing I can say will help.” Stiles says as he opens the door and motions Derek out so he can lock the door. When the door is closed behind him, Stiles gently taps his finger on a decorative symbol in the middle of it and watches as the wards close around the house.

“Let’s go.” He says as he walks towards the SUV parked in the driveway. There are no neighbors for as far as Derek can see. The place seems fairly isolated. 

“Wow. A grown-up car.” Derek says. 

“Roscoe served me well, but the old girl had one accident too many and I finally sent her off to the great junkyard in the sky.”

“I know she had a lot of memories for you. I’m surprised you don’t have her preserved in a garage somewhere.” Derek remarks as he closes the door and buckles his seatbelt. 

“Well, one day I was driving home from a miserable training session with Deaton. A large rock rolled out into the road in front of me and we ended up in the ditch. It was the last straw for me that day and before I could ground my power it got away from me. Poor Roscoe went up in flames. By the time Dad and Lydia got to me, she was burnt beyond repair. There wasn’t even any point claiming her as an insurance loss. I had her towed to Deaton’s and during another bad training session, I vaporized what was left.”

Derek is at a loss for words. He had no idea that Stiles had become that powerful. Being able to set a line of mountain ash was one thing, but vaporizing the burnt remains of his cherished Jeep was another. 

Stiles doesn’t say anything more about Roscoe as he starts the SUV and starts down the driveway. The long twisting driveway leads to a large gate that Stiles opens with a touch of a button on his console. They turn onto the main road and then Derek realizes that Stiles’ place is deep in a dead-end canyon far away from anyone. The drive to the bar takes about 30 minutes on the freeway. Derek looks at his phone a few times and gives a heavy sigh but doesn’t say anything. 

When they arrive, Stiles parks in the back in a reserved parking space and turns off the car. “Are you ready to head out, or do you want to come in for a while?” He asks. 

“I have nothing else to do, and putting off the inevitable journey home for another few hours won’t make any difference.” He replies.

“We open at sunset so you can hang out as long as you want. I presume you still have a place to stay?” 

“We were checked in to a nice hotel downtown, but Braeden sent me a message that she was flying home on the next flight. She checked us out of the hotel and took everything with her, including my suitcase. She said she figured I would be staying with you and wouldn’t need my clothes. I could always buy what I needed before I came home. If I came home.”

“That’s presumptuous of her.”

“We were never good at communicating our feeling aside from snide comments. Whatever. It’s done. Let her believe what she wants. I’ll catch a flight home tomorrow. I can pick up what I need later today. I do appreciate you washing my clothes though. I imagine they would have been pretty foul after sweating out all that toxic shit that Lydia concocted.”

“You’re welcome. I would offer to let you stay again, but it’s the last thing you need right now.”

“I know, and I appreciate your honesty. I’ll get a room somewhere. I saw a few places on the way here. All I need is a clean bed for the night. I don’t particularly care where.”

Stiles doesn’t say anything he unbuckles himself and gets out. Derek follows suits and trails behind him on the way to the back entrance. When he gets there Stiles presses another symbol on the door and the wards drop. He unlocks the door and motions Derek in before he locks it behind them. 

Walking through the hallway that leads to the main bar area shows the club in a completely different light. He walks over to where he stood the night before and looks over the space. Without the glamour, Derek can see that the space is very industrial. The Green Man statue that was there the night before is a steel block with the incantation welded to it about waist high. He steps back as he sees the triskele embedded into the floor along with runes that he doesn’t recognize. 

“It looks like you’ve got some serious mojo going on in here.” He comments.

“We get all kinds of supers in here, and as long as they behave themselves they are welcome. Not only it is a karaoke bar, it is also a place of safety for them. If there were to be any kind of uprising in the city, they know they can come here for sanctuary. Short of a nuclear bomb going off, nothing is getting in here unless I want it to.”

“What does this triskele mean to you?” Derek asks. 

Stiles is behind one of the bars but stops what he’s doing and replies “Past, present, and future. No matter which way I approach it, one arm always points behind me, the other above me, and the last one in front of me. All of that meeting at the center where I am. The past has made me who I am in the present, and that helps define what my future will be.”

“I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. I had mine burned off .” 

“Why?” Stiles asks as he comes out from behind the bar with a stack of papers.

“I needed to move on from the wreckage I had left behind. I thought removing our ancestral symbol would break the link I had with the land.” 

“Did it?” 

“No. It was just a painful reminder of yet another failure.”

“Sorry I asked,” Stiles says as he sits down at a high top table and starts to go through receipts and invoices. “There are some bottles of water and leftovers from the kitchen in the cooler behind the bar. Help yourself. I’ve got paperwork to go through before I get things going for tonight. Scott will be here in a bit. You’re welcome to stay if you want, though he might put you to work as a bar-back. Saturdays are always crazy busy.”

“I appreciate it, but I need to get moving.” He says as he pats his pockets to make sure his phone, keys, and wallet are intact. “Unless Braeden took it, my laptop bag should still be locked in the trunk of the car. I need to book a flight home and get some things rolling. I told her that I would contact the lawyer on Monday. I guess that’s the first step on my journey.”

“You know where to find me,” Stiles says as he stands up. 

Derek stands there awkwardly as if he’s not sure what his next step should be. Stiles notices his discomfort and comes to his side. 

“Come with me.” He says, turning towards the middle of the floor where the runes are. Derek follows and Stiles shuffles him to stand right on top of the triskele. “Stand there and don’t move.” 

Stiles stands a few feet away and looks down at the floor. There is a bright flash and the bar has changed to be a dark forest. Derek is standing on what looks like the remainder of the nematon. 

Derek turns in place and looks around. “What is this place.” 

“Ssshhhh,” Stiles says, putting his finger on Derek’s lips. “This is the echo of your past, steering your present, guiding you to the future. I’m going to give you a gift. Use it well.”

He starts to walk in a circle around the tree stump. When he makes the first circle he starts to sing. 

Fel y bu efo bob ddigwyddiad  
Sy 'n llawn o hud a rhyfeddod  
Rhaid rhoi amser i fynd trwy bob tymor  
Er mwyn i 'r hud i gael gweithio  
Blwyddyn i heno  
Blwyddyn yw y cyfnod cyfareddol  
Blwyddyn i heno  
Rhaid rhoi amser i 'r hud i weithio  
Rhaid rhoi amser i 'r hud i weithio

When he finishes, he claps his hands together, and the illusion of the forest fades away leaving Derek standing on top of the triskele. 

“Care to tell me what that was?” Derek asks as he rolls his shoulders and reaches his hand behind him like he’s trying to scratch an itch on his back that he can’t quite reach. 

“Nope. You’ll figure it out in time, and if you don’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Now you sound like Deaton.” 

“He trained me well,” Stiles says with a smirk. “Being vague and mysterious is all part of the job.”

“So…” Derek starts with, unsure of what else to say.

“I’ll make it simple for you, Derek. Go home. Clean up the mess you’ve made of your life. Find the present-day version of that man I know you can be. I’m always by your side, but until you un-fuck yourself there is no ‘us’ ” Stiles says, making air quotes on the word us.

Derek turns red in frustration, but he knows Stiles is right. For all those times that Stiles had a plan, or came to his rescue, this time he has to do it on his own. 

“Can I call you, or text you?” 

“When you have progress to report.”

“Right.” He whispers to himself again as he starts walking towards the door. He turns the key and pushes the door open letting the sunlight flood in. He turns to look behind him and sees Stiles sitting back at the high top table organizing the stack of papers he had put there.

He walks out into the sunlight and the door closes with a click behind him. His rental car is a few spaces away from where Stiles has parked. With a tap of his key, he opens the trunk to find his laptop bag still there. With a sigh of relief, he closes the lid and gets into the car. After spending a few minutes to find a hotel nearby he’s on his way. 

By the time the sun sets he’s mentally exhausted. There were multiple phone calls with the lawyer and several calls to Braeden where she didn’t pick up. He decided not to fly out of L.A. on his way home. He’s going to make a stop in Beacon Hills and then fly out of Sacramento. The agitation in Peter’s voice over the unscheduled visit has him amused. It’s long past time that he take control of things. He might as well go back to where it all started. 

Later that night, after a long hot shower, Derek catches a shadow behind him in the mirror. He wipes it off with his towel and twists and turns a few times to get a better look. 

His triskele tattoo has returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is slow going, but I'm working on it.
> 
> Stiles' enchantment on Derek is in Welsh. It's from the song "Blwyddyn i Heno" by Ceredwen (1997). Translation below. 
> 
> As with all events filled  
> With enchantment and wonder  
> Time has to pass through all seasons  
> For the magic to work  
> A year from this night  
> A year is the magical time  
> A year from this night  
> The magic needs its own time  
> The magic needs its own time


	3. I gave you time. Use it wisely

When the door clicks closed behind Derek, Scott steps out of the shadows by the bar, his eyes glowing red.

“What did you do?” He demands of Stiles.

“I did what was necessary, Scott”

“What did you do?” He asks again, his eyes fading back to normal as he approaches the table where Stiles is sitting. 

Stiles takes a deep breath and runs his hands over his head. “I gave him his triskele tattoo back.”

Scott walks behind Stiles and wraps his arms around him. “Bullshit. You did something much deeper than that.” 

Stiles shudders and then relaxes in his grip. “The spell gives him one year from today to fix his life. The triskele is his countdown. In a few weeks, it will start to fade. As it does, so does our mate bond.

“And if he doesn’t fix it?”

“When the tattoo disappears, our mate bond will be broken. We can both move on.”

“If you both survive. Are you stupid? You’ve put your life at risk for something that might not be” Scott says as he lets go of Stiles and moves to take a seat across from him.

“His issues have been holding both of us back. He needs to own and fix his shit so we can be together as we were meant to be, or we both need to move on and be free. This gives him the time to do that.”

“Does he know that?” 

“He’ll figure it out at some point.”

“Is your life worth it?”

“My magic will protect me. His survival is his choice.”

“Oh, that’s going to be fun,” Scott replies as he lets go of Stiles and moves to sit across from him.

“Probably a very angry phone call with a lot of grunting and monosyllabic words.” 

Scott gives a snort and mumbles in agreement. “Ok, I guess I’ll get busy before you start to nag me like Kira does.”

“Be glad you’re married to Kira and not me. I would have nagged you to death by now.”

——————————

Peter awakens to find himself flying through the air before he crashes into the wall. 

“Hello, Nephew. It seems like we’ve done this before.” Peter says as he untangles himself and stands up. “Could we do this without the broken ribs? It took forever to heal them the last time.”

“Braeden and I are divorcing. When I settle my affairs in New York, I’ll be returning Beacon Hills. What happens after that remains to be seen, but if you’ve got any disasters waiting for me, then you better get started cleaning it up. If I have to deal with it, I’m taking the costs out of your hide.”

“So forceful Derek. What’s gotten into you?” Peter asks sarcastically. 

“I’ve just had a very painful eye-opener to the fact that my life is a mess, and I’ve let people down. This is the first step of many to remedy that. I would rather you be part of the solution than the problem. I also want to remind you that you pushed me into dating Braeden after Stiles and I broke up. We’re going to have a reckoning for that at some point.”

“Then let’s clear that up right now.” Peter snaps, his eyes flashing. “Breaking up with Stiles was a colossal fuck up on your part. There is no denying that. Braeden was available and required no work on your part. She was an easy distraction to get you through the pain, and frankly, Cora and I were tired of you moping about. You were sucking the energy out of everyone around you. I never intended for you to marry her. That is one hundred percent on you. Now, if you plan on breaking my ribs again then be quick about it. I would really like to get back to sleep.”

Derek kicks Peter’s feet out from under him and knocks him to the floor. Peter pulls his arms up to cover his face. Instead of kicking Peter, Derek kicks the wall a few times and then drops down on the floor next to him.

“Derek,” Peter says as he sits up. “Talia would never forgive me for coddling your ego right now so let me speak as your uncle and not your beta. Go home and deal with your disaster of a life. Beacon Hills will be here when you get back. It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve survived much worse. You will survive this and come out better on the other side.” 

“You don’t know that.” Derek growls at him, flashing his red eyes.

“You’re right. I don’t, but let me tell you what I do know. Stiles is your mate, and regardless of the hurt you inflicted on him, he loves you deeply.”

“I doubt that. He basically dismissed me and told me not to contact him until I had made some progress.”

“Let me tell you something, nephew. When you made the brilliant choice to end your relationship you weren’t the only one who came to me in tears. I spent countless hours on the phone with Stiles while he poured out the pain in his heart. I didn’t have answers for him, but I had an ear to lend him. He loves you. Why he didn’t hunt you down and drag you home by the short hairs on your ass is beyond me.”

“You suck.” Derek says with a sigh.

“It’s one of my many talents.” 

Derek makes an exaggerated gagging sound and then stands up and offers his hand to Peter. As he takes it and stands up, he replies. “Please. If Stiles had a knot you would have locked him deep in your throat and suffocated yourself on it.”

Before Peter can say another word, Derek throws him back onto his bed, then scoops up the covers and throws them on top of him. “Don’t be vulgar. I’m not going to break your ribs, but I might smother you with your pillow.” 

Peter laughs and then starts to arrange himself in bed. “Would you please? It’s the least you can do considering how you interrupted my dream. I was about to violate that silver fox, Chris Argent. He’s got that dad-bod thing going on and it does wonders for me.”

“That’s it, I’m out of here. Another word on that subject and I may have to drown myself in the toilet.” Derek says as he starts to gag again. 

“Goodnight Derek.” Peter says as he pulls the covers up to his chin. 

“Sleep well, Uncle Peter.” 

——————————

Derek returns to New York and finds a small house to rent while he works on dissolving his marriage. He makes a few trips to the house he owns with Braeden and picks up things that he needs. Braeden isn’t there for most of his visits. The few times she is there, they actually communicate without bickering. There isn’t much that he wants when it comes to items inside the house. He makes a quick inventory of his personal items, but he knows Braeden won’t contest those when the time comes. 

A month later he finds himself sitting with his lawyer across the table from Braeden and hers. They exchange pleasantries and then Derek’s lawyer opens the conversation. 

“Let’s make this simple so these two can move on with their lives. Mr. Hale is offering Mrs. Hale the house, and all of the contents, minus any personal belongings, or Hale family memorabilia he may still have on the property. They each own their own vehicles paid for with their own money. As Mrs. Hale had a lucrative career prior to their marriage and they went into it with nearly equal wealth, Mr. Hale offers no spousal support. In regards to the joint investment account, Mr. and Mrs. Hale have contributed to the account equally over the course of their marriage. Dividing the funds equally is equitable to both parties. Does the opposing party have any objections or a counter offer?” 

Before her own lawyer can speak, Braeden says. “Derek, why are you giving me the house?”

Derek shrugs. “I’ve had some time to think about a lot of things. California is home. Beacon Hills is home. My family estate is there. Our ancestral lands are there. New York has been a place to live, but it was never truly home. I just wish I could have been honest about that years ago.”

“But we put so much work into designing it together. Don’t you want part of that for yourself?” 

“You loved the process of designing and watching it be built. You put the time in decorating it and found such joy doing it. That house is part of your soul and I want you to have it.” 

Braeden gives Derek a long, sad look, and then nods to her attorney. She tells him that the offer is acceptable and she won’t contest it. The lawyers pass a few papers back and forth for signatures and then call an end to the meeting. They inform both parties that the paperwork will be filed with the court, and the judge will review it in about 30 days. They will be notified when the final judgment is approved.

Later that night, Derek is sitting on the sofa in his rental house. He pulls out his phone and sends Stiles a text. 

D: Met with the lawyers today. Divorce should be finalized in 30 days.

A few minutes later Stiles sends a reply. 

S: Good

D: ? for you. Why did you give me back the triskele only to have it start fading?

S: Rhaid rhoi amser i 'r hud i weithio

D: WTF does that mean? What have you done to me?

S: I gave you time. Use it wisely…Goodnight Derek

Frustrated drops his phone on the coffee table and lays down. He considers turning on the television but can’t bother to reach for the remote. After sitting there for a while he realizes he’s pouting and needs to put his time to better use, he heads to the gym for a few hours. 

It’s close to midnight when he gets back home. Immediately he heads to the shower and when he’s done he stops in front of the full-length mirror to dry himself off. He decides it’s time to take that long hard look at himself so he turns on all the lights and drops his towel. 

He stands there for a few minutes feeling silly. He knows what he looks like naked. It’s what’s underneath that he has a hard time connecting to. He beta shifts a few times and the phase midway between his human and hybrid face catches his attention. He stops the shift there and gets closer to the mirror. This shows the exterior that he feels he presents to the world, though only he can see it. He’s stuck between his human side and his wolf, and somehow feels disconnected from both. Frustrated and unsure what to do with himself he grabs his phone and flops down on the bed. Without thinking he calls Peter. 

“Hello, Nephew.” The smooth voice answers. 

“Peter,” Derek says, suddenly unsure why he called him in the first place. 

“What can I do for you?” 

“I’m not exactly sure. I dialed and didn’t realize it was you.” 

“What do you need, Derek?” 

Derek is quiet for a few minutes and then says. “I’m trying to takes Stiles’ advice and look underneath the facade I’ve put up so I can get in touch with the real me. I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

“So you called me, Mr Superficiality, to help you with that?” Peter says with a laugh. 

“Don’t be a dick, Peter. You know this isn’t easy for me.” 

“Sorry, Nephew. I’m sure you can see the irony of the situation. What do you need?”

“I’m stuck here for at least the next month,” Derek says with a sigh. “I’m disconnected and I need family.” 

Peter hums and then replies. “I’ll get on the first available flight tomorrow. Send me your address, and I’ll be there as soon as I can, but only on the condition that you don’t break any of my ribs while I’m there.” 

“I’ll try my hardest, and yes, I do see the irony of the situation, but I won’t tell anyone that Alpha Sourwolf asked Uncle Superficiality for help if you don’t.”

“There might be hope for you yet, nephew. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Peter says and then hangs up before Derek can say another word.

——————————

Peter arrives late the next evening just as the sun is setting. He somehow managed to rent a hideous fluorescent orange Camaro. The very thought offends Derek and his first instinct is to take his claws to the side panels. He doesn’t, but he stands there in horror as Peter pulls up and parks the ugly beast. 

“What the fuck is that?” Derek asks. 

“It’s she a beauty?” Peter says as his grabs his bag from the backseat and shuts the door. 

“No. Where did you find that hag?”

“The poor girl was sitting all alone at the rental lot so I thought I would give her some love.”

“Well, she’s hideous, but whatever works for you. Are you coming in or not?” He asks, holding the door open.

Peter saunters through the door and drops his bag. Before Derek can say anything, Peter grabs him in a hug. Derek wraps his arms around his uncle and breathes in the scent of his family. He’s missed this more than he can imagine. Eventually Derek lets go and mumbles a thanks to Peter. 

“Did you eat? I haven’t been up to cooking so the fridge is empty. I could order something if you’re hungry.” 

“I grabbed lunch during a layover and brought a few sandwiches for the plane. I’m good. Give me a tour of this hovel so I can see where I’ll be staying.” 

“Charming as always, Peter,” Derek says giving his uncle a playful shove. The house is small so they make a quick tour of the place. Two bedrooms, two baths, a kitchen, a living room, and a dining room with a basement for laundry and the mechanics. It’s pretty basic, but all Derek really needed was a furnished place to rent for a few months. Peter drops his bags in the guest room and they go back to the living room to sit down.

“Ok, out with it,” Peter says as he throws himself into a chair. He toes off his shoes and puts his feet up on the coffee table.

“Stiles told me to find the present-day version of the man he knows I can be. I don’t know who that is. He also gave me this.” Derek says as he pulls his shirt over his head and turns around so Peter can see the triskele tattoo on his back. There is a blank spot between where twelve and two would be on a clock.

“Now that’s interesting. How did that come about?” Peter asks as he stands up to look at the tattoo up close.

“Stiles cast a spell before I left his club. He clapped his hands and the bar transformed into the preserve and I was standing on the trunk of the nematon. He said he was giving me a gift and to use it well. I discovered the tattoo later that night when I got out of the shower.”

“Tell me about the spell.”

“It was in a language I don’t recognize. He sent me a text with what I think is the same language. One sec.” Derek pulls out his phone and shows Peter the message.

“Interesting,” Peter says as he reads the message over and over. “I think it’s Welsh, and I think it means the magic needs its own time. It doesn’t really make any sense though.”

“Since when did you speak Welsh?” 

“We each had to learn Latin because so many of the bestiaries are written in it. Then we had a choice of the classical romance languages or and one of our choice. Talia and I learned Latin, she chose Spanish for her second, and Gaelic for her third. I chose French and Welsh. We both failed miserably at the 3rd language. I’m surprised I remembered enough Welsh to translate the sentence you showed me. It turns out that the 3rd language was a joke by our parents. They just wanted us to push ourselves, and that’s why Talia only wanted her children to learn two.”

“Thanks for the family history lesson, but let’s get back to the spell. What does he mean by the magic needs its own time?” Derek asks perplexed.

“I’m going to need to see what he did in order to have a better idea. If the whole thing is in Welsh, then I’m probably going to make a mess of it, but if I can get an idea of his intention it might help.” 

Derek gives a sigh and says, “You want to shove your claws into my neck, don’t you?”

“I’m afraid it’s the only way, dear nephew, unless you want to get Stiles on speakerphone and we can just ask him.” 

“And make myself look more pathetic than I already am? No thank you. Get on with it.” Derek says as he moves to sit on the floor in front of Peter. 

“Ok. You know the drill. My apologies if you end up paralyzed.” Peter says as he unsheathes his claws and shoves them into the back of Derek’s neck.

He dives into Derek’s memories of the last few months. He sees the night at the bar when Derek and Braeden realized it was over, and he sees the next morning where Stiles treats him with a cold kindness. Then he comes to the spell. He intently watches as Stiles transforms the bar into the forest preserve and the nematon where Derek was standing. He replays the spell a few times to get the gist of it and then without warning he pulls his claws out and leans back into his chair. Derek lays on the floor gasping. 

Peter sits quietly with his eyes closed and then excuses himself and goes to the kitchen. He returns with a glass of water for Derek and a few paper towels for himself. He’s wiping his nose and eyes like he’s been crying. 

Without warning, Peter explodes on Derek. “You stupid, stupid boy! Do you have any idea what he’s done for you?

Derek looks up at him with confusion, but his eyes flashing red at the challenge. “What?”

“I underestimated Stiles once before and he kicked me hard enough to send me flying over a railing. We both remember how that ended. You’ve underestimated him and he’s given you a metaphysical beatdown like I’ve never seen. His intelligence is staggering in the realm of magic.” 

“So fucking tell me. What did he do to me?” Derek rages back. 

“He’s put a timer on you, and the triskele is your clock. You have a finite span of time to fix things. When the time runs out, not only will it break your ties to our lands, leaving you an Alpha without a territory, it will break your mate bond. Do you have any idea what that means?”

“He’s setting me free.” 

“No, my utterly daft nephew.” Peter snaps as he stands up and starts to pace the room. “Stile’s spell is sublime but devastating. If you had come together and formally decided to dissolve your mate bond, then you would have been setting each other free. Breaking the mate bond by magical means is such a shock that it may kill one or both of you.”

“What?”

Peter finally loses his patience and launches himself at Derek. He slams into him and they both go tumbling into a corner of the room. “You stupid boy!” Peter yells as he snarls in his face. “He loves you enough to put his life on the line for you. He’s willing to die for you!”

The weight of Peter’s words finally sink in and the tears start to flow. Derek curls into himself and Peter lets him go so he can stand up. 

“Fuck this,” Peter exclaims. “I’m going for a run. Wallow in your self-pity and willful ignorance while I try to make peace with the fact that my nephew and my Alpha is an utter disappointment.” With that, Peter stomps from the room. A few minutes later, Derek hears the door open and close as Peter heads out into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this out. I fought with Peter over this chapter. When I gave up and let things go where he wanted them, things started to flow. My short story, "Unclaimed" was meant to be a one-shot short story. Peter had other things in mind and connected the two in ways I never intended. Think of Unclaimed as a precursor to this one, but this story doesn't rely on it.


	4. Go For a Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. Stiles was your past. He could be your future, but you have to let go of what was before you can focus on what may be.”
> 
> “How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” Derek yells as he throws his broom down.
> 
> “Go for a run and think about it.” Peter replies as he closes the door behind him.

When the tears stopped, Derek scraped together what was left of his dignity and went to bed. He was embarrassed beyond words to hear his uncle tell him he was a disappointment in so many ways. The walls he had built up not only protected him from others but from himself. He was disconnected in more ways than he had realized. Sleep finally came and only then did he find some temporary peace from his self-torment. 

Peter returned just after sunrise the next morning. He had been so angry with Derek that he didn’t dare return home until the fire in his soul had faded. Given the chance, he would have said unforgivable things and shattered Derek beyond healing. Peter had his own faults, and it took him many years to acknowledge and own them. It wasn’t until that happened that he was able to come to terms with killing Laura. He poured his soul out to Cora while he begged for her forgiveness. He tried with Derek, but he was so caught up in his own mess that he didn’t listen and he gave up trying. Peter also worked hard to build a relationship with Malia. They would never be father and daughter, but they had mutual respect for one another built on years of honest conversation. Derek had missed all of that when he broke up with Stiles and fled to New York. Known within the family as the sycophant, self-serving, and superficial one, Peter had become the heart and soul of the pack. It was something Derek should have naturally stepped into when he became Alpha, but his own failures held him back. Peter understood what the root of the problem was. Everyone understood that he had been used and manipulated by Kate. They had forgiven him, but Derek had never forgiven himself. Derek and Stiles formed a mate bond early but never acted on it until Stiles was a legal adult. In that period of time around the end of high school was when their relationship blossomed. Derek, still carrying the self-doubt and fear from his relationship with Kate broke it off right before Stiles started college. He said it was because he wanted Stiles to have a life without the supernatural world disrupting it. The reality was that he is afraid to make himself vulnerable to Stiles. He was terrified of someone getting close to him as Kate had done.

Peter opened the door and quietly toes off his shoes. He was hoping that Derek was still in bed, but he was sitting on the sofa with two cups of coffee sitting in front of him. He pointed to the chair next to him, and while Peter really wanted to take a hot shower and go to bed, he was compelled to sit as directed.

“Derek,” Peter began, but Derek flashed his red eyes at him and Peter went silent. Then something unexpected happened. Derek knelt on the floor in front of his uncle. 

“Uncle Peter. You were right. I’m a stupid boy who has refused to grow up and take responsibility for his mistakes. I have been a disappointment to both you and Cora, and as you said years ago, I am a candle in the wind to my mother’s roaring fire. I have failed this family and I’m sorry.”

Stunned, Peter does the only thing he can think of. He wraps himself around Derek and holds him close. Derek trembles, but doesn’t say much. Eventually, Peter lets him go and they both return to their seats. 

“What’s next Derek? The darkness you carry in your soul will eventually consume you. You can’t continue like this. You must get some kind of help.”

“I know. I called Deaton this morning and asked him to reach out to his contacts and find someone I can talk to. This cluster fuck is beyond what a human counselor is equipped to handle.”

“That’s a good start,” Peter replies as he picks up his now cool coffee and takes a sip. 

“When the divorce is final, I’m coming back to Beacon Hills. I’ll continue therapy as long as I need to. Now I see what Stiles has given me. If I mean that much to him, now, after all these years, then he’s worth fighting for.” 

“He was always worth fighting for. You fight your demons and he will be waiting for you at the finish line. Of that, I have no doubt.” Peter says. “I’m hungry. I know there has to be a place to eat around here. Let’s do something we haven’t done in decades.”

“What are you up to?” Derek asks, giving Peter the side-eye.

“Remember when we used to go out for family breakfasts once a month? It won’t be a competition to see who can eat the most pancakes, but it’s just the two of us, and we’re still family.” 

Derek immediately agrees, as long as he doesn’t have to ride in the hideous beast that Peter rented. They drive to a nearby diner and stuff themselves full of food. The conversation is light. Peter tells him what’s been going on in Beacon Hills, which is a whole lot of nothing. Even though Scott McCall has moved to Los Angeles, he’s made it clear that Beacon Hills is off-limits to supernaturals who may be in the mind to cause mischief. Cora has been managing the family funds and has invested it well. She’s on several county committees and helps with various organizations. Through her, the Hale Family Trust has made several donations to local organizations that work to help the disadvantaged as well as improve the community. The Hales may no longer be the large family they were, but in their own way, they are still taking care of Beacon Hills.

When they get home Peter decides to stay take a nap. Without anything else to do, Derek sits on the sofa for a while. On a whim, he sends Stiles a text. 

D: How much time do I have?

A few minutes later Stiles replies.

S: One year to the day.

D: What then?

S: Why ask a question when you already know the answer?

D: I’m sorry…For so much…

S: So am I. 

D: ?

S: Not seeing the forest for the trees.

D: ? 

S: Let’s just say that you aren’t the only one Peter yelled at last night.

D: ?

S: Go fight your demon’s Derek. I have my own to deal with.

Derek doesn’t respond. He sits for a while absorbing what little Stiles had said. He figured Peter would be out for a few more hours so he goes to the store and buys steaks for dinner and then goes for a run. He gets home to find Peter sitting on the sofa drying his hair with a towel. 

“You have amazing water pressure. The loft sucks compared to this.” He says, as he rolls the towel up and throws it at Derek. 

“Make a list of things that need to be addressed there. I’ll take care of it when I get home. Wait, I thought you had your own place?” 

Peter shrugs. “I do. I sleep at the loft once a week to keep it looking lived in.” 

“Please tell me you aren’t taking your assignations there?” Derek asks.

“No. I have my own bed, and I’m not ashamed to replace my mattress and sheets as often as I need to.” Peter says as he wiggles his clawed fingers. “Uncle Superficiality is also sentimental. Cora and I both miss your scent, so sometimes we just go and hang out there. It’s not uncommon for me to stop by and find her curled up in the corner of the window with a book, or taking a nap on the sofa.”

Derek flashes a predatory smile as he sits down on a chair facing the sofa. “So, you talked to Stiles last night.” 

Peter’s eyes flash blue but he takes a deep breath and calms himself. “Yes. I talked to him last night. As many times as I provided an ear for him when he needed to talk, I thought it time he returned the favor.”

“I texted him today and told him that I’m sorry. He said that I wasn’t the only one you yelled at last night.” 

“You aren’t the only stupid boy I had to deal with last…” Before Peter can finish the sentence, Derek slams into him and they go tumbling into the same corner they were in last night. Before he knows it, Peter is pinned under Derek with his face pressed into the floor.

“Uncle Peter. I’m going to say this to you once and only once.” Derek growls, his eyes burning deep crimson. “I am your Alpha! You will never call me a stupid boy again. Are we clear?”

“Is there some other term you prefer? Misguided youth perhaps?” He mumbles as Derek pushes his face further into the floor.

“Enough Peter. I understand my personal demons now, and I’m taking ownership of them. They are mine to deal with, but you pointed out last night that I’ve been a disappointment as an Alpha. I own that. It’s one of many things on my list of personal failures that I need to address. Let’s start with that now. You will address me with respect or I’m going to make your life incredibly difficult. Do you understand me?”

Peter growls and struggles a bit trying to get Derek off of him. It’s symbolic at best, but eventually, he stops and turns his neck to the side in submission. “Yes, Alpha.” He growls out.

“Good,” Derek says as he stands up. He grabs Peter by the back of the shirt and throws him across the room into the chair he was originally sitting in. Peter flips over mid-air and managed to land somewhat gracefully. The chair still goes sliding backward, but Peter doesn’t end up on the floor.

“Now, mind telling me what that conversation was about?” Derek says as he takes a seat on the sofa where Peter had been.

“I’ll tell you because you politely asked and I don’t want my pretty face shoved into the floor again, but if breaking Stiles’ confidence ruins our friendship, you and I are going to have far more serious problems than my sarcastic mouth,” Peter says and waits until Derek motions him to continue. 

“You never told Stiles the real reason why you ended the relationship. It wasn’t because you wanted him to have a life free of the supernatural. You and I both know that’s complete bullshit. You’re afraid of someone getting close to you. Your mate bond started to form very early, but instead of letting it grow, you started to build a wall around your heart. The final brick in the wall was breaking up with Stiles. You’ve built quite the fortress around your heart. Step away from yourself Derek and look at your relationship with Braeden. It was superficial at the very best. You may have considered her a friend or a companion, but you didn’t love her. You had nothing in common from the very beginning. Cora and I hooked you up because she was a distraction that you needed. Why did you propose to her? Do you even know? You had a wedding, moved across the country, and built a house together, but every single minute of it was fake, and you know it. Now Stiles knows it and he’s sorry he didn’t see it for what it was. He’s angry with himself because if he had known he would have fought harder for you. He would have helped tear down those walls, but he was so hurt that he picked up the pieces of his broken heart and walked away. You carried on with your fake relationship with an innocent woman who you’ve now hurt just as deeply. Stiles has been single since the day you left. Thankfully he has his friends. He wouldn’t have survived otherwise.” Peter starts to say something else but he stops, stands up, and leaves the room. A few minutes later he comes back with his running shoes on again. 

“Where are you going?” Derek demands. 

“I’m going to run. I have to be away from you right now because I’m about to say something that I won’t regret, and you’re going to take issue with it.” He says as he strides out the door without waiting for Derek to reply. 

“I want to be away from myself,” Derek mutters to himself as he pulls out his phone. Without thinking he sends another text to Stiles. 

D: I’m sorry

S: You said that.

D: So how does this work? I just show up at your club at the 1-year mark and everything is ok between us?

S: Did you think I was going to make this easy for you, Derek? Did you think this was going to be easy for either of us? Wake the fuck up!

D: Do you love me?

S: I never stopped loving you. The question is, do you love yourself?

Derek lets out a roar of rage and throws his phone across the room where it shatters against the wall. Not satisfied with that, he picks up the coffee table and slams it against the floor a few times until it’s a pile of wood, glass, and twisted metal. Unsatisfied with the destruction of the coffee table, Derek goes to the back door of the house, strips, shifts to his full wolf form and takes off. It doesn’t take him very long to pick up on Peter’s scent and within minutes, he is pacing alongside of him. Peter looks down but doesn’t say anything. He just keeps running. 

Peter runs the neighborhood for a few hours and then winds his way back to Derek’s place. Derek has kept pace with him, but Peter hasn’t said anything. When they get back home, Peter opens the door and lets Derek enter first. He closes the door behind him and then goes to his room. Once there he takes a long hot shower and then starts to gather his things. When his bag is packed, he goes out into the living room. Derek is cleaning up the mess he had made of the coffee table.

“Where are you going now?” Derek says as he puts the broom down. 

“Nephew, I’m going home. I can’t stay here.” Peter says softly, expecting Derek to explode on him.

Derek looks defeated but doesn’t say anything. 

“Stiles was right,” Peter says. “You need to find yourself. Sitting here, wallowing in your self-pity and smashing furniture is not going to help. You need self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-ownership, not family. I’m only in your way and frankly, the stench of your self-loathing is overwhelming.” 

That earns Peter a growl but Derek doesn’t say anything. 

“Cora and I will welcome you with open arms when you get home, but don’t come home until you’re you again,” Peter says as he opens the door. “If the divorce will be final in a month, do you have to stay here until then?”

“No.” Derek mumbles, not looking at Peter. “I just thought it would be best to stay until things are finalized.”

“Stop holding on to the past. You need a new start and maybe this isn’t the place for it. Go on a vacation. It’s not like you can’t electronically sign the papers anyway.” 

“The past is all I have, Peter,” Derek growls out through clenched teeth.

“No. Stiles was your past. He could be your future, but you have to let go of what was before you can focus on what might be.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” Derek yells as he throws his broom down.

“Go for a run and think about it,” Peter replies as he closes the door behind him. 

Sunset, a week later. Derek is standing in the front door, watching as the moving truck and car carrier pull away. He’s shipping all of his belongings back to Beacon Hills. When the truck turns at the end of the block and disappears from sight he closes the door behind him and drops the keys in the lockbox that’s attached to the front door. Under the cover of darkness, he walks around the side of the house. He strips and drops his clothes into the trash can. Once he’s naked he partially shifts and puts on a small backpack he had made for him. It contains a change of light clothes and his credit card and ID card. When it’s secured and tight against his chest he shifts into his full wolf form and with one last look at the house, he runs off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont' know why this is so slow for me. I have the ending already planned out. Getting there is the problem. I blame it entirely on Peter.


	5. I Can't Walk Through Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Stiles have a late-night, virtual heart to heart.

Peter told him to run, so that’s what he did. For weeks Derek spent the nights running and the days sleeping, but always heading west. A month into his journey he checked into a hotel for a week and signed the final paperwork for his divorce. Considering the years he was married, it felt surreal to end it with the click of a mouse. He spent most of the week sleeping and eating. It felt good to be able to sleep in a bed instead of on the ground under a tree. Beacon Hills was calling, so he checked out of the hotel and headed west again. 

Weeks later…

“Hello, Peter,” Stiles says when he answers his phone. The club wasn’t open that night, but he was in his office catching up on some accounting. 

“Stiles. Sorry to bother you. I was wondering if you had heard from Derek?” Peter asks.

“No. Not even a text. It’s been what, 3 months since I heard from him last. Should I have?”

“I’m not sure. I called the pack lawyer and found out that the divorce was final. Derek signed the paperwork weeks ago. He was at a hotel somewhere near Columbus, Ohio. I checked with Deaton and all he says is that Derek is working on himself. I’ve tried calling. Sometimes the phone goes right to voicemail. Sometimes it rings a few times, but he never answers or calls back. Cora and I are getting worried.” 

“Hold on,” Stiles says before he goes quiet. Peter can hear his breathing slow in concentration and then Stiles speaks again. “He’s fine.” 

“Where is he?” 

“Somewhere in Kansas, I think. I don’t want to intrude, but all I can see is that he’s fine and heading west.”

Peter gives a sigh of relief. “Thanks. I didn’t want to bother you with this, but he won’t answer and I need to know he’s alright.” 

“The fact that Peter Hale is concerned for someone other than himself, well that’s a secret worth keeping. The blackmail potential alone is priceless.” Stiles says with a laugh.

“Blackmail seems so beneath you, Stiles,” Peter replies with a chuckle in his voice. “After sending me over the railing from the 3rd floor of the loft, you know I’ll do just about anything you ask me to.”

“Why does that always come back to haunt me?” Stiles asks with a dramatic sigh.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Peter says sarcastically. “I felt like I had been hit by a car. The broken bones in my face, and the missing teeth. Then there are the broken ribs Derek gave me later that night.”

“Give it a rest, Peter!” Cora yells from the background. “You earned that and you know it.”

Peter sighs but doesn’t say anything else, but Stiles can hear him breathing over the phone. 

“Peter. You know I never meant for that to happen. Well, I kicked you because you touched my ass, but I never meant for you to go flying over the railing. As for what Derek did…” 

“Cora is right.” Peter interrupts with. “I earned that.”

“Do you want me to reach out to him, Peter?” Stiles asks. 

“I want to know that he’s doing ok, but I don’t want it to cause any issues for you.” He replies. 

“I’ll tell him to check in with his family. I don’t mind doing that.” 

“Thank you,” Peter says lowly.

“Anytime, Peter. You know that.” 

“I appreciate it, Stiles. Talk to you soon?” He asks. 

“Sure. Goodbye, Peter. Tell Cora I said Hi.” Stiles says before he hangs up.

Once he’s done with his paperwork he shuts down his computer and locks up after himself. He sets the wards on the club and then heads home. Once home he tries to make himself something to eat, but he finds he can’t concentrate enough to decide what he wants. Instead, he grabs a small pack of cookies to eat while he changes clothes. He changes into a sweatshirt, throws on a pair of shorts and some hiking boots. Then he grabs a bottle of water, a blanket and sets the wards when he exits the back door.

It’s a twenty-minute walk to the back of the dead-end canyon his house is in. Scott and Kira live near the mouth of the canyon, not that far from the main road. Nothing goes to Stiles’ place without Scott being aware of it. Stiles helps out with the L.A. Pack, but officially he’s not aligned with them. Scott being his lifelong friend means the ties are a lot closer than either of them is willing to openly acknowledge. 

There is a small grove of aspen trees at the rear of the canyon. This is Stiles’ own nematon. Multiple currents run through the hills and with a little work he got them all to pool here. It provides the power for the wards on his house and Scott’s. In the center is a loadstone that collects the power like a battery. Stiles spreads his blanket out in front of it and settles himself on the ground. He takes a long pull from the bottle then looks up at the sky and closes his eyes. He sinks into the currents and disappears. 

Derek has spent the last few months running and checking in with local Alphas as he moves across their territory. Sometimes he stays only a few hours. Sometimes he spends a few days. Each Alpha spends some time talking to him, and invariably the questions are deeply personal, boarding on invasive. It took him a few weeks to realize that Deaton put the Alphas up to this. Only Deaton would know such things about him and only he could prompt the Alphas to ask such questions. Oddly enough he isn’t angered by the invasiveness. Knowing that no Alpha would respect him for spewing a bunch of lies, he answers the questions truthfully. In some cases the answers are painful, but as Talia taught him as a young man, the truth isn’t always kind. The result of all those invasive questions is an opening of in the wall he’s built around himself. It’s slowly starting to crumble and Derek is feeling… more. 

Tonight he’s in an area west of a city. The land is rolling hills, forest, streams, and the local pack considers it neutral ground. He’s decided to take a few days to rest and relax before heading west again. The day was spent replacing his worn clothes, getting some dry food for his backpack, and a solar battery charger for his phone. As the sun sets he finds a quiet place near a slow-moving stream. It doesn’t make too much noise so he would be able to hear anything approaching him. Derek sits down on an area of flat rock and pulls out his phone. He sees missed calls from Cora and Peter but he just doesn’t feel like talking to them. He plans to be back in Beacon Hills in a month or two and then he will make a trip to L.A. to see if he and Stiles can salvage their mate bond before it disappears.

When the sun finally disappears behind the hills and night falls he turns his phone off and puts it into his backpack. He wants to get an early start and travel during the day for a while so he can keep better track of his progress. He doesn’t plan on running all the way to California. He figures a few more weeks of travel will get him close to Colorado and he’ll grab a bus to the closest major city and fly home. Just as he decides to strip and shift so he can sleep for the night he starts to tingle all over. A glow starts to emanate from the ground and Stiles appears sitting a few feet away from him.

“Hello, Derek,” Stiles says. 

“What the hell? Are you actually here? How did you find me?” Derek asks as he sits back down. 

“There isn’t any place in the world you can go that I can’t find you if I want to. You should know that.” 

“I never thought you would try to find me. Why are you here? Are you really here?”

“I’m a long-distance, hi-def projection coming to you from my very own nematon. Your uncle and sister have been trying to get in touch with you to see that you’re OK. Nothing is wrong, they just miss you. In fact, they miss you so much that Peter called me to see if I had heard from you.” Stiles says. 

“So you decided to pop in and check up on me?” Derek asks. 

“You know it’s hard for Peter to ask for help, but he did, so I offered.”

“So out of the goodness of your heart…” Derek says with a very sarcastic tone. He stops before he can finish the thought that had escaped from his mouth unchecked. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I appreciate you checking up on me.” 

“I know what you meant Derek.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m a work in progress. Communication without anger and sarcasm is still an issue.” 

“This is the master of sarcasm you’re speaking to Derek. I get it. So, are you doing OK?” He asks. 

“I’m making progress if that’s what you’re asking. I guess you can tell I’ve been running, so physically I’m great. I even managed to shed a bit of the married weight I mysteriously put on.”

“I hear divorce is the fastest way to lose a ton of weight,” Stiles says then he immediately clamps his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. That was rude and didn’t come out the way I meant it.”

Derek chuckles. “It’s ok. I get it. The relationship was a dead weight that needed to go.”

“So you said you’re making progress….” Stiles states. 

Derek is quiet for a few minutes while he looks at Stiles. “I am.” He finally says. “Deaton arranged for me to meet local Alphas along the way. It’s been painful, but self-discovery isn’t supposed to be easy I guess. What about you? You said you had things to work on as well.” 

“I had planned on just checking up on you and reporting back to Peter. I didn’t expect this to be a self-guided therapy session, but since you asked. I have worked on myself. I realize the part I played in my own misery. I’m sorry, Derek. My own pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t see that you were suffering from a pain that had been there for years, slowly eating away at your soul. I just thought you were being a selfish asshole, so I walked away when I should have stayed and fought harder.”

“I was being a selfish asshole,” Derek says. “My pain was overwhelming and all I wanted to do was run away from it. Building walls and driving people away was my coping mechanism. Part of my journey has been micro-therapy sessions with the Alphas I meet. Deaton has given them tidbits of information about the reasons for my cross country journey. They have asked very pointed and sometimes painful questions. Alphas should never lie to one another. It’s something wolves learn from a very early age. It plants the seeds of distrust. You never know who you may need to call on for assistance and if an Alpha doesn’t trust you, they might not answer your call. I’ve had to be honest with myself so I can be honest with the other Alphas. It’s been a painful journey of self-discovery.” 

“What have you discovered?” Stiles asks. 

Derek looks up at the stars and takes a deep breath. “The only way to exist in the here and now is to let go of the then and there of the past. Kate told me that she loved me, then murdered my family. She made me believe it was my fault. I thought she really loved me, but I was 16 and stupid. What did I know about love? Then you came along and loved me without condition or reservation. I felt for you what I felt for Kate. Your love was real; hers was a lie. They couldn’t both be love and it confused me so I built walls to protect myself, and then like a coward, I ran.”

A look of sadness washes over Stiles' face like his heart is breaking and then it’s gone. “I’m sorry” He whispers. “I wish I had known more at the time.”

“So what happens now?”

“It’s been more than a decade and I’m not the same Stiles you knew then. I live and work in the supernatural world. I do so much more than just run Verum Canticum. My life depends on self-honesty. If I’m not honest with myself, then I doubt myself. If I doubt myself then I get sloppy and I could easily end up in a situation that may cost me my life. I demand honesty from those in my inner circle and I’m not easy on people if I feel I’m not getting it. If you aren’t in a place where you can be honest with yourself, then you can’t be honest with me.” 

“What exactly do you do aside from running the club?” Derek asks. 

“I’m a neutral druid, and that would normally mean that I live far outside of the city and outside of pack territory. Scott and I have an arrangement. I’m not formally aligned with his pack and that gives me a lot of latitude to do things that otherwise wouldn’t be tolerated. Many times Scott chooses not to be informed, or he turns a blind eye to what I do. In return, I don’t interfere with his pack, and I keep the supernatural community under control. Sometimes I lend the community a helping hand, and sometimes I have to remind them to play nice with each other. Do you remember what a disaster L.A. used to be? I helped get Scott installed as Alpha and he’s worked hard to get the shifter community united. I took care of the ones who didn’t want to comply.” 

“Are you responsible for that vampire coven that went up in flames a few years ago?” Derek asks. 

“Guilty as charged. The Coven mistress challenged Scott for the territory. There was no clear winner, but they both left the encounter in pretty bad shape. While Scott was recovering, she kidnapped his emissary, Jocelyn, and slaughtered her entire family. Scott was in no condition to go after her so I did. No one hurts the ones I love.”

“I heard from Cora that covens all over the country were terrified.”

“I gave her the same mercy she gave to Jocelyn and her children. She forced Jocelyn to watch her children die one by one. In return, she watched as one coffin after another exploded in flames before she herself was incinerated. No coven has attempted to establish themselves in L.A. since. There are a few solitary vamps who aren’t interested in being part of a coven. I told them exactly what was expected of them. As long as they behave, they won’t see me again unless we meet in passing at the club. If I pay them a personal visit, then that’s a different story.”

“If I didn’t know you so well I would say that you’re terrifying,” Derek replies. 

“You know who I used to be, but I’m not the smiling, sarcastic kid happy to be done with high school and looking forward to taking on the FBI. I run the club on the up and up, but things I do personally fall into a very grey area of personal ethics and legalities.” Stiles responds. “If that’s terrifying to you, so be it. I make no excuses for who I am today.”

“I suppose I can take the blame for that.” 

“I am who I am. If that’s because of your actions, then that’s something you need to make peace with.”

“I asked you before what happens next. Has that changed any?” Derek asks

“I asked you if you love yourself. Has that changed any?” Stiles replies. Derek flashes his red eyes at him, then takes a deep breath before they return to normal. 

“I’m starting to.” He replies. 

“Good. Your journey isn’t finished. If you show up at the club next weekend, nothing will have changed. Your triskele will continue to fade. Our mate bond will continue to fade. Your ties to your ancestral lands will continue to fade. You can accept your faults, but until you make peace with yourself and love yourself again, everything will continue to fade. It all goes back to self-honesty, both mine and yours. I love you, Derek, but we aren’t the people we were then. That ‘us’ no longer exists. The spell will continue until it ends, and we have to see it through. I can’t un-speak the words. It said that time has to pass through all seasons for it to work. Show up at the club on the 1 year anniversary and let the spell decide what happens. We will either move forward together or go our separate ways.”

“Peter said that our mate bond-breaking could kill you. Is that true?” Derek asks. 

“Yes, if it were to just be broken. The point of the spell was to weaken the bonds slowly so that when they break it isn’t a shock to either of us. It won’t be pleasant, but my magic will protect me. I don’t really know what will happen if your connection to Beacon Hills breaks. Perhaps I was too hasty in casting the spell and I’m sorry about that.”

“I’ll be an Alpha with no territory,” Derek says as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Does it have to be held by an Alpha?”

“It’s a rare thing, but sometimes it falls to a Beta. Scott has ties to the land even though it’s not his established territory. He rose to be an Alpha on his own, but his wolf did originate with us. It’s entirely possible that the territory will default to him if my link breaks.” 

“How will Cora and Peter feel about that?” 

Derek shrugs his shoulders again and says, “I don’t really know. Cora wouldn’t want it and isn’t strong enough to hold it. Peter wanted it, but he’s changed over the years. He’s no longer a power-hungry sycophant. He could hold it temporarily if he needed to, but not long term.” 

“Imagine that. Uncle Peter finally polished smooth by life.”

“I guess I can’t avoid him forever. I promise I’ll give him a call tomorrow.” 

“Why are you avoiding him?” Stiles asks. 

“That night you asked me if I loved myself, Peter gave me a tongue lashing that I rightfully deserved. He slapped me around with the truth and I’ve been avoiding him because I’m so ashamed of myself. Peter came to stay with me in New York right after I met the lawyers to go over the divorce agreement. While he was there, Peter told me that you didn’t know my reasons for the breakup and that if you had you would have stayed and fought for it. That you were so hurt all you could do was walk away, and that you’ve been single ever since. In the meantime, I carried on a fake relationship with a woman I barely knew, didn’t love, and yet again I hurt another innocent person to cover my wounded pride. He told me that I’m a disappointment both as his nephew and his alpha.”

Stiles purses his lips but doesn’t say anything. Derek looks at him as if he’s expecting him to explode. 

“You don’t have anything to say?” Derek asks. 

“What do you want me to say, Derek? He told me why you left, then he chewed my ass for not fighting hard enough, and for just letting you walk away. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I’ve forgiven myself and made peace with my demons.”

“What about me?” Derek asks. “Can you forgive me?” 

“Forgiveness is a fickle beast, Derek. I can say you’re forgiven, but until you forgive yourself, my words are meaningless. By not forgiving yourself first, my words are just a license for self-justification and self-deception. More bricks to build walls with and not even I can walk through them.”

Derek is silent but stares at Stiles intently. He can see the ripple of wolf features flowing over Derek’s face while he struggles to contain his anger. It takes a few minutes, but eventually, it stops but Derek is left in mid-shift with red eyes and a mouth full of teeth. 

“I need to go. I’ve got things to take care of tomorrow and I’m going to be exhausted if I stay much longer.” Stiles says. 

“Wait!” Derek growls at him, “That night at the club when I tried to drink myself into oblivion, I heard you singing. What was it?”

His spectral form wavers for a second then steadies. He gives a soft chuckle and then says, “It was a song about walls. I need to go, but I’ll leave you with a bit of it.”

Paralyzed by the pain, let it go, you’re not to blame.  
I am here, and I will wait, but the move is yours to make.  
‘Cause I can’t walk through walls, can you hear me?  
Baby, I can’t walk through walls, can you hear me?  
I can help you love again, but you have to let me in.  
I can’t walk through walls. 

As the last word ends, Stiles starts to fade. “Goodbye, Derek. You know where and when to find me. Call home. They miss you.” And then he’s gone. 

Derek stares up at the sky for a few minutes as tears trickle down his face. After a few deep breaths, his features return to normal and he starts to gather his things. Once everything is tucked into his little backpack, he heads back the way he came.

Two hours later, Derek arrives at the small motel he had passed earlier in the day. The room doesn’t smell as bad as he thought it would, so he drops his backpack on the bed and immediately heads for the shower. As he settles in the bed he pulls out his phone and turns it on. There are several missed calls and voicemails from Peter and Cora but instead of listening, he sends a text message to both Cora and Peter. 

“I’m coming home”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while to find the thread of this chapter and it was slow going once it started. I'm thinking 1 or 2 more chapters and then we'll see if our boys can get their shit together.

**Author's Note:**

> Veritatem tantum et pacem canticum loosely translates to "song of truth and peace"


End file.
